moving
back to indexback to homemy girlfriend and i have finally gotten a new apartment. this is our first apartment together, besides the past couple months me moving in with her and her (now former) roommates. it was a lot of stress actually getting it, which procrastinating searching doesn't help.. we ended up staying with her sister for about two weeks, organizing to get my truck insured again so i can drive it to actually move our stuff out of storage and into the apartment. now that that's finally done, we just got all of our furniture in yesterday and have been haphazardly unpacking. tonight's our second night staying here, and we still have a lot of stuff in storage, but we have all our essentials. tomorrow though we're leaving out east for a week for a wedding. chaos!
two days ago i did a lot of the moving alone, and yesterday my dad came to help me and her with the furniture and such. i overworked myself sick and sore, partly the wildfire smoke made me feel like shit all day yesterday too so my energy levels were already running thin. the smoke and the sickness make me feel crazy and self-doubtful. like is that smoke, or just weird fog? the air quality health index says i only need to avoid straining myself if i'm a "vulnerable population," but what qualifies? and why is that level of toxins in the air barely registered as "moderate" if it's enough to start making people sick? if the sky is yellow when driving out of town... am i really sick, or am i just tired? am i burning up or is the heat just getting to me?
partly i keep finding myself in this situation lately, where my expectation of my abilities is lower than what my actual ability proves itself to be. maybe i'm getting old.. i'm only 26 though and it feels a little fast. but that's closer to 30 and maybe i shouldn't be surprised if i can't bicycle like i could when i was 20. i'm also out of practice, maybe out of shape
but it might be the estrogen too. it's the same thought pattern i have with most stuff with regards to HRT. like is this real or am i imagining it, or is it from something else. it's like there's a weight of anxiety hanging over me, that HRT won't do anything, or won't do enough. and it's so slow i can't tell. it's like seeing a baby at six months vs a year and how surprising it is how big they grow. but if you're the parent it's harder to see because you're with them every day. i can never tell how much the HRT is affecting my body, and i don't know how long to wait to guess at it. i suppose i'm about 1.5 years in now -- by some standards not very far, but also i expect far enough to have some idea. and if not then how far? some people say 2 years, or 3. but others say 5 or 6.... should i talk to my doctor about increasing my dose? idk.. the only thing for sure is the boobs though. god those happen so fast and incredibly obviously
if you are starting transition btw my #1 recommendation is learn to take all your measurements with a measuring tape. i've had areas of my body where a year in i was upset because i thought nothing was changing at all, but i measured and there's several inches of difference. take measurements regularly, your brain can lie to you but measuring tape tells the truth forever (also just in general you need that for clothing sizing)
but anyway. this new place is really nice.. it's a high-rise, much taller than my last place, and downtown near everything. we're high up with a balcony, the biggest thing i wished i'd had at my last place. and we have a dishwasher, which is the second biggest thing i wanted. today was laundry day, and my clothes came out a little damp, but it was nice to go put them on the drying rack on the balcony, and to sit on the chairs with the pigeons. it was just nice. it's been so hard to find things that are just nice.
we're looking forward to interior decorating. i put my bathmat in the bathroom. i set up the TV and the wii, on a makeshift TV stand consisting of a dilapidated bookshelf turned sideways. we'll get a real TV stand when we get a chance.. and i hacked the wii to get the homebrew channel on it. though i haven't gotten any games running just yet. we're thinking with the shape of the space, we might forego a couch in favour of a couple of armchairs. i think that'd be really cute, and we can set up a couple of desks. my girlfriend has hers, but i want my own, for space to mess with computer stuff and electronics. then we can get a rug for the living room, between the chairs and television.
i've got my work cut out for me, with two laptops and a desktop that i'm not sure their state of functioning. i'm told the desktop runs fine, with a blazing core 2 duo inside. i've not yet opened the two laptops we found, and neither turn on. i'm assuming it's just dead batteries, but neither have chargers, so we'll have to buy some when we have a couple bucks. they're both dinosaurs though -- one of em has the clip mechanism for shutting the lid, ethernet out and a telephone line out. i think they both have VGA out, too. i'm excited to work with them; i wanna turn one of these computers into a linux home media centre.. to stream TV and play retro games more, um, economically....
as for the rent though. i shan't say 🙈
i looked up some software for it and found kodi, which looked really good. to my surprise, this wasa rebrand of XBMC, and they rebranded like a decade ago or something. i had no idea! i used XBMC a lot as a kid and it always ran great. but a strange feeling to realize i've been looking away from it for a decade! more feeling old. (sorry to everyone who isn't literally in their 20s reading me saying things make me feel old, i know i know. bite me)
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